I’ll Review Anything: 2015 Royal Rumble


Over the weekend, the WWE aired their premiere pay-per-view event, the Royal Rumble. This is probably the most important pay-per-view event next to the Wrestlmania, as the winner of this year’s Royal Rumble will, as always, go against the WWE Champion at the Granddaddy of Them All.

I would have to say that the Royal Rumble is my favorite pay-per-view put out by the WWE; I even say it beats out Wrestlemania. While there are normal matches, it’s the Royal Rumble event that (deservedly) takes center stage. The Royal Rumble is a unique battle royale style match where wrestlers are eliminated if they’re thrown over the top role and both feet hit the floor. However, unlike a normal battle royale where everyone is in the ring at the start of the bell, the Royal Rumble starts with two wrestlers and a new/fresh wrestler enters after 90 seconds.

Oh, and the winner of the Royal Rumble gets a title show at Wrestlemania. So… drama!

Anyway, now that it’s all over, what did I think of this year’s Royal Rumble. Well, it sucked! But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go through each match and let me give you my thoughts on each of them…

The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg and Billy Gunn) vs. The Ascension (Connor and Viktor)

Well, this match came out of nowhere!

Old vs. New

Old vs. New

It was a foregone conclusion (won’t be the only time I’ll be saying this) that The Ascension will get the win over The New Age Outlaws. I think it’s a general rule since they’re new and it would make them look weak if the newcomers lose. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be a fun match.

And for the most part, it was. Road Dogg got to do his schtick and Billy Gunn manage to take a few good hits. But, of course, Connor and Viktor, being the young guys they are, took out the New Age Outlaws with their finisher. Still, it was a good match. Predictable but it was a blast to watch Road Dogg and Billy Gunn ride again, even if it was to lose to the Ascension in spectacular fashion.

The Usos vs The Miz and Mizdow

Lookalike match?

Twin magic vs Twin magic!

Twin magic vs Twin magic!

Honestly, I’m glad that Damien Mizdow is still in the WWE. I loved it when he was the The Intellectual Savior of the (Unwashed) Massed and I was afraid he was on his way to be “future endeavored” after that was over and he was trying different gimmicks. Although I am a bit dishearted that he has to be a lackey/stunt double/slapstick comedy foil for The Miz. But, hey, a job’s a job, right?

The finish to this match was exciting, with Mizdow coming in a couple of times to almost with the match for Miz and Mizdow and, for a couple of times, I actually thought they were going to win! Good match.

Paige and Natalya vs The Bella Twins

Not for the title? Lame!

Another tag team match?

Another tag team match?

With AJ Lee out on “sabbatical,” the only Diva I like in the WWE right now is Paige. So, I’m kind of torn regarding this match. I am glad that Paige has a match during the Royal Rumble. But I am angry that the match is a tag team match. Why? Besides the new Total Divas connection, there is no reason for Paige to team up with Natalya against the Bella Twins!

Anyway, this match sucked because Paige seemed to dominate the Bella early on and, when she tagged to Natalya, she never got back in. And then Natalya loses to a stinking forearm by Nikki Bella? Nikki didn’t even need to use her Rack Attack finisher to take out Natalya? What kind of an ending is that?

If they’re goal was to make Natalya look weak, well, mission accomplished!

Triple Treat Match: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship

With a surprise ending!

Match of the night!

Match of the night!

I was honestly predicting John Cena winning the match then Seth Rollings getting the title by cashing in Money In The Bank but I’m pleasantly surprised by the outcome of the match. Lesnar dominated the match early, pretty much destroying both Cena and Rollins at the same time, making him look incredibly strong and dangerous, which is how a WWE Champion should be.

As much as I don’t like John Cena (I’m with the “Cena Sucks” crowd), I do have to respect him as a wrestler and storyteller. The reason why Cena’s matches are usually very good (even though he’s just a Hulk Hogan archetypical wrestler) is because he’s an incredibly hard worker and can tell a story throughout the match. And this match is a prime example of that.

But the one who stole the show was definitely Seth Rollins. He made good use of the tools he had at his disposal. He used J & J Security at the right time. He used the Money In The Bank Briefcase as a weapon at the right time. He used his power to throw John Cena from one corner ringpost to the other (which was impressive) and he managed to show off his high flying ability as well!

The ending with Brock Lesnar coming out of nowhere and stealing the match even after getting hit by the Money In The Bank briefcase twice was brilliant! No one looked weak but it made Lesnar look incredibly strong, making him the one to beat during his next match?

But who’s it going to be?

The actual Royal Rumble Match

Well, this was a stinker!

Around 1/4 of the people here didn't actually participate

Around 1/4 of the people here didn’t actually participate

This was one of the ugliest Royal Rumbles I’ve ever watched! There was so many things wrong with this year’s Royal Rumble match, I don’t even know where to begin!

First off, the elimination of Daniel Bryan early on. Now, I personally think Bryan has lost a lot of his luster ever since he was away… but to make him get dumped off so abruptly and unceremoniously was just stupid! One of the things that Bryan does really well is getting the crowd excited and the WWE just crippled themselves very early on when he was eliminated even before the halfway point of the Royal Rumble.

Second, there were very few “surprise” entrants this year. Part of the fun of each year’s Royal Rumble are the wrestlers from the past. Not to take away from Bubba Ray Dudley but, without D-Von, his participation was kind of bittersweet. I do appreciate them trying by making R-Truth stand in for D-Von but it wasn’t the same. Seeing the Boogeyman stand off against Bray Wyatt was a stroke of genius, though. And watch Diamond Dallas Page (who I’ve only seen in YouTube clips) was okay, I guess. But, overall, I was underwhelmed by the surprise participants for this year’s Royal Rumble match.

Third, they didn’t do much with the Survivor Series guys getting their jobs back! That was a major storyline point fairly recently so why didn’t they do anything during the Royal Rumble? What’s the point of getting Dolph Ziggler, Ryback and Erick Rowan back when they didn’t do squat? I’m especially mad that, even coming in at number 30, Dolph Ziggler, the man who was the sole survivor of his team, got knocked out by Big Show and just dropped out of the ring!

Finally, I have to comment on the winner of the Royal Rumble, Roman Reigns. As Daniel Bryan was already out of the Rumble as he came in, it was a foregone conclusion (told ya I was going to use that phrase again) that Reigns will win the entire thing. While I was never a big fan of the former SHIELD member, I don’t think he deserves all the hate he got after being the last man standing in the ring. He’s… fine. But I’m guessing after Daniel Bryan got eliminated early and the WWE just shoving this guy who really needs to work on his mic skills and character all thoughout the year, fans just hit the breaking point and just started to boo the heck out of him.

You're going to shove what up me?

You’re going to shove what up me?

All-in-all, besides the epic Triple Threat match, the 2015 Royal Rumble was a wash. I think a lot of fans are now thinking of unsubscribing to the WWE App because of this pay-per-view and the WWE has a lot of work ahead of them if they want to dig themselves out of the hole they’ve dug themselves in.

Somewhere, CM Punk in smiling…


What’s your opinion on the 2015 Royal Rumble? Let me know in the comments section below!

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