A List of Decepticons with Wimpy Names

I’m guessing that a lot of you have already watched Transformers 4: Age of Extinction despite it being a god-awful film. Being a huge fan of the animated series, I was let down by the film. I really wanted to see more Decepticons returning or added to the most recent film. The treacherous Decepticons always had much cooler names than the herioc Autobots. Most of them had intimidating names like Shockwave, Starscream, Thundercracker, Trypticon and Devastator, to just name a few of them.

Some of the tougher ones!

Some of the tougher ones!

Unfortunately, not all of them were graced with strong names. Some of them have names that give off the opposite effect! Now, the following are the 5 Decepticons that I feel were shortchanged in the names department. This isn’t to say that I think they’re weak characters; I’m just saying they have weak names.

Anyway, onto the list!

5) Kickback

Along with Shrapnel and Bombshell, Kickback belongs to a sub-group of the Decepticons known as the Insecticons. Kickback’s alternate form is a grasshopper. While this may seem like one of the dumbest things to change into, it does have a lot of benefits! As the name suggest, Kickback has enough power in his hind legs to kick a hole through 1/4-inch thick steel. He’s also been able to knock out Optimus Prime himself with one of his well placed kicks!

Don't squash it! It's a collectible!

Don’t squash it! It’s a collectible!

That still doesn’t excuse the wimpy name! While his brothers got imposing and terrifying names, Kickback was left with the short end of the stick! If I were to rename him, I would’ve given him the name Dropkick. But that name was sadly given to a bunch of drones from the first live-action film, which is another reason why I really hate the Michael Bay movies!

4) Long Haul

Long Haul is a part of a group of six robots that could transform into construction vehicles known as the Constructicons. This group of toys was probably one of the most sought after toys when they were first shown on TV because of the fact that they could combine into one huge robot of destructive force known as Devastator! Each time the Constructicons were on the show, kids would eagerly wait for them to combine into the huge robot and was one of the biggest highlights in the show.

Unfortunately, while the other Constructicons got cool names like Bonecrusher, Scrapper and Hook (yes, Hook is a fearsome sounding name), the dump truck was named Long Haul because he was in it for the long haul, get it? Long Haul! To add insult to injury, he’s given the honor of transforming into Devastator’s crotch area.

Yes, you are looking at Devastator's penis area.

Yes, you are technically looking at Devastator’s penis.

If I were to give him a new name, it’d be Dirtnap because, hey, being a dump truck, he should be used to hauling piles of dirt. I do have to commend TCF for giving their version of Long Haul the cool name of Heavy Labor (which is a really cool name).

3) Reflector

Reflector was another sought after toy. Not because it was cool for three robots to transform into a single camera, mind you. But because you could only get Reflector via mail order. He (they?) was not available in stores so it was difficult to get an original version of the toy! But in the show, he was pretty useless. Why would the Decepticons need a camera in the first place? Don’t they have high tech optic sensors, rendering Reflector useless?

They could always find work in the circus, I guess.

They could always find work at the circus, I guess.

In the cartoon, the three robots that combine into the camera weren’t given individual names. They were collectively called Reflector. But, if I were to give them a new name, I’d call them Spymaster. It does sound a bit silly… but it’s much better than Reflector!

2) Astrotrain

I love me some triple changers! They were awesome! Not only did you get a robot that transforms into another thing, but you get a robot that transforms into two other things! Personally, my favorite was Blitzwing who could turn into a fighter jet and a tank! It’s hard to beat that! So, of all the things you could choose to transform into, why did Astrotrain pick a shuttle and a train? Oh, turning into a shuttle can prove useful but a train? Don’t you need train tracks? Well, the cartoon pretty much ignored that trains need tracks anyway so maybe it was a good choice!

I still disagree with the abundant use of the color purple, though.

I still disagree with the abundant use of the neon purple, though.

Still, I think he picked a train as his other alternate form because, well, that’s his name! It wouldn’t make sense if his name was Astrotrain and then he would turn into a truck, right? Either that or the writers were just lazy and just thought “Man, let’s just call this dude Astrotrain and call it a day!” The latter option is probably what really happened.

For me, Astrotrain has the lamest name among all of the Decepticons. Then again, I couldn’t think of a cooler name for a robot that could turn into a space shuttle and a train. The only name I could think of would be SpaceRail and, yes, that’ still a really lame name. This is the only reason why it’s number 2 on the list.

1) Ratbat

Of all of the tapes Soundwave is packing in his chest, Ratbat definitely has the worst name among them. The other tapes had cool names: Laserbeak, Ravage, Buzzsaw, Rumble and Frenzy. Since he was a flying rodent, they just called him Ratbat. Kinda cruel, don’t you think? It’s like naming your firstborn Pigsnout if he had a big nose!

i wonder how many kids these days know what cassette tapes are?

i wonder how many kids these days know what cassette tapes are?

In the cartoon, Ratbat was a mindless drone; he was like a dumber Laserbeak and not as useful. But in the comics, he was something else: Ratbat was highly intelligent, calculating and, at one time, the leader of the Decepticons! Yes, one of Soundwave’s “minions” actually led the Decepticons! And he was actually a great leader, actually leading the group to victories against the Autobots!

If I were to rename Ratbat, I’d change it to Rabies. Or better yet, Plague! Yes, those are scarier names and I wonder why the writers didn’t think of them!

How about you? Which Transformer got really bad names? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments section below!

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