The Top 5 WORST Christmas Songs (That Are Not Christmas Carols)

So last week, I gave my list of the top 5 Christmas songs that I love listening to during the holidays. Well, not all Christmas song can be great. There are going to be a few Christmas songs that you just cannot stand even though you’re in a jolly mood (or drunk) and I’m no exception.

These are the songs that make me thankful that the Christmas season is almost over since I won’t be hearing them for a long time! Here’s my list, in descending order. Starting with…

5. All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

The only reason why this song is high up in my list of my most disliked Christmas songs list is because I actually liked it when it first started playing way back in 1994! This was when Mariah Carey’s career was just starting out and, I hate to admit it, she’s got a lot of range and her singing doesn’t suck.

But, as the years came and more Christmases passed us by, there was no getting away from this song! Going to the mall? All I Want For Christmas Is You. Listening to the radio? All I Want For Christmas Is You. Waiting for the movie? All I Want For Freaking Christmas Is Freaking You!

This song is one of the most extremely overplayed songs during Christmas! There hasn’t been a day when I left the house when I didn’t hear this goddamn song!

4. Do They Know It’s Christmas – Band Aid

Don’t get me wrong: I actually like the reason why this song was produced. During the 80’s, some of the most popular musicians got together to record this song with the aim of raising money for Ethiopia. Not a bad concept and I applaud them for doing that.

But did they have to make the lyrics so depressing?

Basically, the song says that, while we’re enjoying ourselves during the holidays, there are people that are suffering. Okay, I get that. But… I just want to enjoy myself during Christmas time. And what do these guys do? Lay a massive guilt trip on me! Why are they trying to make me regret having a good Christmas? Not cool, Band Aid! Not cool!

3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – The Jackson 5

I had a big problem with this song ever since I was a kid. And, when a child has a problem with a Christmas song, you know there’s something really wrong with it!

It may seem like an innocent song about a kid sneaking downstairs to get a glimpse of Santa Claus and, for the most part, it is. But I always bothered by a particular lyric in the song…

“Oh, what a laugh it would have been – if daddy had only seen – mommy kissing Santa Claus last night?”

Why would that be hilarious? I imagine the first thing that “daddy” would do if he saw his wife kissing another man was to beat the living hell out of that guy! I don’t think the “I’m Santa Claus” defense would work! Maybe I’m overthinking it too much… but that was one of the first things that came into my mind when I first heard this song at 3 years old!

That kid better not get any presents next Christmas next year! Tattletale!

2. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer – Elmo & Patsy

In my Top 5 Christmas Songs, I put Weird Al’s classic “The Night Santa Went Crazy” way up at the number 2 spot. This just means I don’t have a problem with funny, morbid parody Christmas songs. What I do have a problem with are unfunny, morbid parody Christmas songs!

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy is bad on so many levels! The singing is just plain awful! The melody is extremely repetitive! But its worst sin is how not funny the lyrics are! They spoil the entire joke by killing off grandma in the first verse! After that, the song just goes on and on how the family is coping and how sad their Christmas is without grandma. How the heck is that supposed to be funny?

And the worst Christmas song of them all…

1. Macarena (Christmas Remix) – Los Del Rio

I’m sincerely apologize that I had to put the YouTube video so you can experience the horror of this abomination of a song!

For those who have never had to experience the horror of the Macarena, I envy you. This song and dance combo was everywhere in 1996! And I hated it! I would have to say it’s modern counterpart is “What Does The Fox Say?” and if you like that song, I wonder when you scheduled your lobotomy.

The worst thing is that they made a Christmas version of the Macarena… without doing anything with the song! They didn’t change the beat. They didn’t modify the tune. All they did was mashup actual Christmas carols with Macarena! And it isn’t even a good mashup! They don’t even bother to make a smooth transition between the songs!

And the sad, sad thing is… this actually became a huge hit as well! I’m thankful that they don’t play this song that much any more. But the experience of listening to this monstrosity once scarred me forever!

So, thank God Christmas is over! I don’t have to listen to these songs anymore! But like a zombie in a horror movie, these things will resurrect and come back from the grave to haunt me in the future.

Santa wants brains!

Santa wants brains!

Looks like all I want for Christmas next year will be a set of ear plugs!

What are your most hated songs during the holidays? Whatever they are, put them in the comments section below!

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