Episode 33: Fear and Loathing In Los Santos: Part III


So, last week, I had Robin go splurge and shop for a lot of new threads in the stores of Los Santos in Grand Theft Auto Online. But what’s the use of having new clothes if you’re ride isn’t as cool looking as your new outfit? Also, I need a place to keep my car safe from all of the street violence… and a place for me to stay in as well!

I managed to “acquire” my first car, a Vapid Dominator, the instant I flew into Los Santos. It was love at first sight and I knew I had to “relieve” it from its current owner. The clueless owner was driving it all wrong: stopping at red lights, following the speed limit and even letting pedestrians cross in front of it! I mean, that’s no way to treat such a powerful beast of a machine! You have to run it like the wild, untamed animal it is!

So, after I managed to rescue my new Dominator (I named her Bernadette because she looks like a Bernadette) from her cruel master, we’ve been having a grand ol’ time running wild through the streets of Los Santos. She’s still terribly difficult and ill-tempered, especially if you want her to stop quickly. But I love Bernadette all the same.

Still a hot looking lady, if I do say so myself!

Me and Bernadette; always looking for trouble!

But I never liked Bernie’s (yes, that’s her nickname) color scheme so I headed to the closest Pay ‘n’ Spray and decided to dress her up a bit. While she’s a good looking vehicle, the yellow just didn’t show the animal she is. She had to show more personality… like I did when I bought new clothes! Makeover time!

I wanted her to look fiery and dangerous… and also I was sick and tired of cleaning off the red splotches those dirty pedestrians are always leaving when I smash into them (they’re very inconsiderate!). So I decided to make her all red as well… hopefully those crimson bloodstains will just blend in and people won’t notice. The black stripe wasn’t working out with the new color scheme so I decided to make it while to really make the red pop. Finally, I changed the hood out with a new carbon fiber hood… not sure what it’s supposed to do but it sure makes Bernie look extra hot!

Now that's hot!

Now that’s hot!

While I love Bernie with all my heart, she can be a handful to control. I do feel that I have control over her for the most part, but she seems to be too much for me sometimes. She’s just a wee bit too big for a tiny gal like me to fully control. Maybe I needed to get Bernie a sister. A little sister to be more exact!

I managed to find something that caught my eye. It was a compact Weeny Issi that someone carelessly left all alone in their parking garage! Well, I couldn’t let it be all alone, now could I? I had to rescue it from their negligent owner! So, after punching the owner out for not taking care of Lisa (that’s her name from now on), I got in and drove her to freedom!

Isn't she adorable?

Isn’t she adorable?

Well, Lisa already look pretty but she looks a little too much like her big sister. I already like the red so I’m keeping that. But what else can I do to make her more unique? Well, I think we can change that white stripe on her. I mean, the white stripe may look good on Bernie but I think black is more of Lisa’s thing.

Now, I realized that I have two cars… and no place to keep them safe! I mean, I can’t just leave them on the street where anyone can just pick them up, can I? I’d lose my mind if I lost either Bernie or Lisa! Well, it looks like I just have enough money to buy a garage. It may be on the wrong side of the tracks but, as long as I make sure to lock things up before leaving, they should be fine.

Wait… what am I thinking? Am I going to live in the garage as well? Stupid Lamar Davis! He invited me all the way to Los Santos but never bothered to get me a hotel room? I’ve been living on the streets for the past two week! And… crap! I don’t have enough money to get an apartment after all the mods I did on Bernie and Lisa and buying the garage!

Snug as a bug...

Snug as a bug…

Well, off to work again! Next time, I’ll be apartment hunting! Once I “earn” the cash, of course!


What have you been doing on your cars in Grand Theft Auto Online? Any suggestions on how to improve on Bernie and Lisa? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below!

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