Let me be honest with you: I actually wanted to see Red One when it was released in the cinema. Not because I thought it was going to be good, mind you. Quite the contrary. I was expecting it to be big bag of humbug but in the best possible way. Anyway, despite eagerly looking forward to go to the movies to see Red One, I didn’t. That’s because, like an idiot, I was expecting to be showing in theaters during December. You know, when the Christmas season is in full swing?

Well, it looks like the producers thought releasing it in the middle of November was the way to go. After all, how could they put it on Amazon Prime Video if it was still in theaters? Well, as I do have an Amazon Prime Video account, I did finally get to see Red One? Was it the pile of reindeer doodoo I expected it to be?

Now, while Red One did do decent business in the box office, meaning a good number of people have seen it already, I’m still making this review a SPOILER FREE review. There may be people, such as myself, who just didn’t know the film was released in November or they saw the reviews of the film and decided to wait for it to go to streaming. Either way, yeah. SPOILER FREE review incoming.

Red One is actually the callsign given to Santa Claus by a worldwide organization who’s task is to keeps the peace between mythological creatures and the mundane world. On Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is kidnapped from the North Pole and Callum Drift, the head of Red One’s security detail, as well as Jack O’Malley, a regular human who bills himself as someone who can track anything in the world, go out and try to rescue Santa Claus before Christmas is ruined.

First off, I will say I do like the central premise and, well, the imagination involved with Red One. It’s kind of like Men in Black in a sense but for legendary beings instead of aliens. I also do like how the writers do dive into a lot of the other lesser known and more ancient Christmas legends, such as Krampus and Gryla, as it does help make the world they’re living in feel much more, well, lived in.

But while Red One does a good job with foundation of their worldbuilding, it’s the building blocks of the actual plot that’s structurally flawed. This is a movie that I like to call as “Don’t Think About It” film as Red One has a lot of weird plot holes and logic leaps that, if you think about it for a moment, you start to really question everything. As this is a SPOILER FREE review, I can’t really mention any of the main offenses. However, if you do follow the “Don’t Think About It” spirit and never really question what’s happening, there is a good time to be had.

The movie also went overboard in the imagination department as they do throw a lot of concepts and magical abilities at you but they don’t allow you to digest them all, making them feel like half-baked concepts that either could have been cut out or couldn’t be developed further due to Red One already coming off pretty long at 123 minutes. For example, one of the “people” in Red One’ security team is a polar bear that can talk. That’s pretty cool, right? Well, the polar bear only appears in around three scenes! That’s it! And the polar bear doesn’t really do anything of note! Seems like a huge waste of a good idea.

I also have to question the overall casting choices here as the only one who really did fit the role was JK Simmons as Santa Claus. This version of Santa Claus isn’t the usual guy who belly would jiggle like a bowl full of jelly. Nope, JK Simmons plays a pretty buff version of Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick but still is pretty laid back. It certainly helps that JK Simmons does make you generally makes you feel like a really chill dude.

After that, the casting just comes off as either lame or miscast. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson essentially gives the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson performance you’ve seen him do in his most recent movies. Chris Evans seems like he’s just phoning it it here. What’s worse is the chemistry between them is bad! I just never believed Dwayne Johnson and Chris Even’s banter as feeling organic and I just can’t see them really getting closer as the film went on. Once again, this is another reason why this is a “Don’t Think About It” movie; the film tells you they’re getting closer so don’t question it!

The rest of the cast feels like they’re just there. Lucy Liu is the head of the mythological secret agency and, honestly, she could’ve easily been written off. The really sad thing is Kiernan Shipka, who plays the big bad of the movie, never feels like a threat. Oh, they say she’s really scary but you never feel it. Once again, “Don’t Think About It,” idiot! Just watch the movie!

The action scenes are… okay, I guess. The only one that really stands out is the fight scene in Aruba against the snowmen. At least there the threat feels deadly during the early minutes. Oh, but they do spoil it soon after as it turns out these unstoppable snowmen are pretty easily defeatable. The other action sequences just feel generic and could have been transplanted in any modern action scene filled with CGI effects.

Even though I’ve been griping a lot about Red One, I honestly still had a fairly decent time with it. But that was only because I did follow the “Don’t Think About It” rule. As this is a review, I had to think about what to say about the movie and, the more and more I thought about Red One, the more and more I saw all of the problems it had. However, if you do turn off your brain and just watch it with a totally blank mind, you will find a good time. Take that as you will.

Have you seen Red One? What did you “think” about it? Let me know in the comments section below!