I’ll Review Anything: WWE’s Crown Jewel 2023

Hiya!

I hate to say it but the most recent WWE shows in Saudi Arabia have been really good. They weren’t the crapshoots they were when they started, with events like the atrocious Greatest Royal Rumble and the first couple of Crown Jewel shows. It seems like the WWE is taking their oversees pay-per-view events much more seriously as pretty much all of their pay-per-views held outside the United States have been exceptional recently. Well, let’s see if they can keep that ball rolling with this year’s Crown Jewel show.

The official first match of Crown Jewel was actually Sami Zayn taking on The Judgement Day’s kinda member, JD McDonagh. I wasn’t able to see this match as it was on the pre-show and, sadly, Disney+ in the Philippines doesn’t include the pre-show matches. So I’m going to start out this review with Seth Rollins defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Drew McIntyre. There was a lot of heavy hitting moves here and a good amount of action throughout. Some smart in-ring storytelling with Drew targeting Rollins’ back for the majority of the bout. Some good chain wrestling like, after getting nailed with a superplex, Drew McIntyre reversed Seth Rollins’ Falcon Arrow into a suplex of his own and The Visionary twirling around a short-arm clothesline and converting it into a Pedigree.

The finish came after Rollins managed to kick out of a pinning predicament after getting smashed in the head with a Claymore from the Scottish Warrior. McIntyre set himself in the corner for another Claymore but Rollins hit him with a superkick instead. Even while stunned, Drew went for another Claymore but The Visionary ducked under and connected with a Pedigree. Rollins then put the exclamation point by nailing Drew with a Curb Stomp to retain RAW’s greatest prize and remain the World Heavyweight Champion.

However, the story is not over yet as The Judgement Day’s music hit and Damien Priest raced down the ramp with his Money in the Bank briefcase and he signaled to the referee he had in tow he was cashing it in. Before the official to ring the bell to start the match, though, Sami Zayn made his way through the crowd and tossed Priest into the ringpost before running away with the Money in the Bank briefcase, spoiling Priest’s cash-in attempt! This allowed Rollins to retain his championship.

This was a really fun match. Lot of action from the onset and I really liked the storytelling. I will say my only real issue were the number of false finishes and how many times Rollins and McIntyre kicked out of each other’s finishers. Once during a match, that’s fine. Do it more than that, well, that makes the finisher look less devastating for the future. Still, this was a good hard-hitting and entertaining bout and the fakeout with the Money in the Bank cash-in added just a little more drama to the proceedings.

The next match was a Fatal Five Way match for the RAW Women’s Championship, with Rhea Ripley taking on Shayna Baszler, Zoey Starks, Raquel Rodriguez and Nia Jax. Right off the bat, I will have to ding this match for the outfits the female Superstars have to wear for the Saudi Arabia events. Sure, it’s progress as they actually can compete but, without the costumes, a lot of the pomp and circumstance just isn’t there. It also doesn’t help how bad this match was paced. It just looked like everyone was hitting their spots and everything looks to choreographed. Yes, wrestling is pre-determined… but at least try to maintain the illusion! There were a few spots which looked cool, like that weird triple submission Shayna Baszler tried to execute to 3 different women and the double kick between Raquel Rodriguez and Rhea Ripley looked like it hurt. However, these glorious moments are few and far between.

I will admit the finish they had was a pretty cool idea. Rhea Ripley tried to pin Shayne Baszler after connecting with a Riptide slam but Zoey Starks broke that up. Starks then set the lone female Judgement Day member in the corner for some kind of superplex but Ripley stunned her with a headbutt. Meanwhile, Raquel tried to pin Baszler but Ripley performed a Riptide slam on Starks from the second turnbuckle, slamming her right into Raquel Rodriguez and Shayna Baszler! Ripley then covers Baszler for the 3-count to retain her RAW Women’s Championship.

This was a match which I call “spotty” as everyone just set themselves up for their “spots” but the transitions between the “spots” didn’t look good. Even the finish was done sloppily as Raquel scrambled to cover Baszler instead of crawling over slowly while Starks and Ripley were setting up. It’s not a bad match but pretty forgettable.

The next match had a returning John Cena taking on the enforcer of the Bloodline, Solo Sikoa. I do like the premise of “old man” John Cena coming into a match thinking he doesn’t have the right stuff anymore. So, pitting him against a monster like Sikoa was really smart. In fact, besides the opening minutes with Cena trying to take out Sikoa’s arm to take away the threat of the Samoan Spike, this was mostly Solo Sikoa beating down on Cena.

The finish came after Cena hit his Five Moves of Doom on Solo but Solo wormed out of an Attitude Adjustment to his a samoan drop. The Doctor of Thuganomics tried to rally with a crossbody from the top rope and a chokeslam but he just couldn’t bring the big man down. Cena tried for another Attitude Adjustment but Solo reverses it into a Spinning Solo uranage slam. Cena blocks a Samoan Spikes and manages to lock in an STF, which has Solo making it to the bottom rope to break the hold. Cena tries to keep the advantage but Solo manages to hit him with a Samoan Spike to take him down. Realizing he may need to do more than one, Solo starts wailing on Cena with several Samoan Spikes just in case before getting the pinfall victory.

This match was… okay. If they shaved off a few minutes in the middle and the end, it would have been great. However, the extended beatdown on Cena just went a smidge too long and having them trade big moves by the closing moments became a little tedious. Still, I had fun with this match. I also like how Cena lost, furthering his story, and it also make Solo Sikoa into a proper monster as he did take down “Big Match” John in a dominating fashion.

The next match had Rey Mysterio defending the United States Championship against Logan Paul. As much as I dislike Logan Paul, I have to respect his wrestling ability, both from an athletic standpoint and him being able to tell an in-ring story. He’s not exactly the best but, considering he wasn’t professionally trained for years, he’s done an admirable job so far. I do have to address the spot where Logan Paul seemingly saves Mysterio after a seemingly botched springboard moonsault attempt. It is Logan’s fault for the most part as he wasn’t in the right position, possibly due to him not actually being a professional wrestler. However, looking at the slow motion replay, it does look like Mysterio put in enough rotation and he did have his arms up to land safely. Still, it did look like he was going to plop on his head so I will give props to Logan Paul for “saving” Mysterio as, in the heat of the moment, it did look like it could’ve broken Mysterio’s neck.

There were also some really good spots here, like Logan Paul hitting a moonsault fallaway slam from the 2nd rope and him performing a buckshot lariat. Mysterio also pulled out a Code Red, something I haven’t seen him do for ages. This did lead to the finish, which I didn’t like because of how dumb it was. One of Logan Paul’s lackeys snuck close to Paul to hand him some brass knuckles. Rey Mysterio managed to tackle the Maverick and he drops the knuckles to the outside. The lackey then tries to retrieve the weapon but is blocked by Santos Escobar who picks up the knuckles and lays them on the ring apron in order to chase after the lackey. Mysterio kicks Logan Paul into the 619 position right in front of the brass knuckles and this allows Logan to put on the weapon. Although he gets hit by the 619, Logan Paul clocks Mysterio with the loaded fist during the springboard senton follow-up. This allows Logan Paul to get the pinfall victory and become the NEW United States Champion.

This was a pretty fun match with, oddly enough, Logan Paul doing most of the heavy lifting. There were some slow moments and rest holds, as if to give either Rey Mysterio or Logan Paul to recover, which did put a damper on the proceedings. The awful finish also brings the overall match down for me. However, the rest was pretty solid, making me say to give this a watch.

The next match had IYO SKY defending the Smackdown Women’s Championship against Bianca Belair. For once, I actually liked one of the women’s outfits at Crown Jewel as IYO SKY’s gear here doesn’t look extremely out of place. Anyway, some good in-ring storytelling with IYO SKY targeting Belair’s previously injured knee with some cool attacks like a dropkick to it while Belair was hung up in the tree of woe position. I will say I didn’t like how many waistlock reversals were done by both wrestlers. It just got monotonous.

The finish came after Bayley came to ringside to distract the referee when the EST hit the Genius of the Sky with a Glam Slam. Belair sends IYO SKY to the outside and follows her with a slingshot splash to Bayley. IYO SKY tries to clock Belair from behind but Belair ducks, hitting Bayley instead. Belair hurls IYO SKY into the ring but, before she could get in herself, Bayley grabs the EST’s leg. Belair hoists Bayley up for her KOD finisher but a returning Kairi Sane to run through the crowd and clock Belair!

Belair manages to crawl into the ring before the 10-count, only to get nailed by an IYO SKY moonsault. IYO SKY gets the pinfall victory to retain her Smackdown Women’s Championship. After the match, a stunned Bayley watched from the outside while IYO SKY and Kairi Sane beat down on Bianca Belair.

This was just an okay match but the return of Kairi Sane did make it a must watch. Not much “Pirate Princess” in her Crown Jewel reappearance but that’s possibly because of the Saudi Arabia limitations. Still, I do like the new serious look she was sporting. I say just watch the closing moments as the Kairi Sane interference was pretty much the only highlight to this otherwise good match.

The second to the last match of this year’s Crown Jewel show had Damien Priest take on Cody Rhodes. They tried to tell a tale on how Cody Rhodes’ ankle still isn’t fully healed from the Judgement Day’s attack on it a couple of days ago but it was pretty much forgotten by the end of the match as Cody was walking around fine and it didn’t really factor to the match unless they needed Damien Priest to make a comeback. They did some impressive spots, like the top rope Cody Cutter to Damien Priest and a pretty cool table spot with Priest hitting the Reckoning on Cody. Yes, the table didn’t give way but it still looked impressive to me. I will say having Jey Uso chase away Finn Balor, Dominik Mysterio and JD McDonagh all by his lonesome made the Judgement Day look weak. I guess the Main Event had a steel chair but you still had the numbers!

The finish came after Cody did hit the Cody Cutter on Priest from the top rope. There was an awkward sequence where the traded running powerslams but those didn’t work out. Priest then went for a clothesline but Cody reversed it into 3 Cross Rhodes to get the pinfall victory.

I guess this was fine. The match itself was exciting enough but I just didn’t like the finish. It would’ve been better if they had Sami Zayn teaming up with Jey Uso against the rest of the Judgement Day to make chasing away the heels a little more believable. I also didn’t like Cody Rhodes needing 3 Cross Rhodes to pin Priest as it makes the finisher look ineffective by itself. It still a fun match but nothing to really write home about.

The final match had LA Knight taking on Roman Reigns for the biggest prize of Smackdown, the WWE Universal Championship. Maybe it’s just me or am I the only one who noticed how many times Reigns had to taunt to the crowd to really extend this match? It seemed really odd but this may be because, despite being one of the most over WWE Superstars at the moment, LA Knight just doesn’t have the cardiovascular endurance to do a long match and is only good in short spurts. If Reigns consistently put the boots to Knight, then I wouldn’t be complaining. However, all the taunting really slowed the pace down. They did try to make it look like LA Knight was one of those wrestlers with a lot of heart as he did kick out of a spear. It still doesn’t help how slow the match felt.

The finish came after LA Knight did a stungun on the Tribal Chief to get out of a guillotine headlock. Knight then connected with his Blunt Force Trauma finisher but Jimmy Uso draped the Head of the Table’s leg on the bottom rope, breaking the count. Knight then went after Jimmy, bashing his head into the announcer’s table before doing the same to Reigns. Knight then flung Reigns into the ringpost and Jimmy used this time to try to connect with a superkick. The superkick is blocked, however, and Knight slammed Jimmy through the announcer’s table. This allowed Reigns enough time to recover and spear Knight, sending him through the ring barricade. Reigns then tossed his foe into the ring and nailed Knight with a spear to get the pinfall victory and retain his WWE Universal Championship.

Like I said, there were a lot of boring moments with Reigns just taunting the live audience continuously. The spurts of action weren’t enough to really make up for this. The finish also was a little too screwy to my liking, with Reigns needed a lot of help from Jimmy to eke out the win.

Overall, I would say this year’s Crown Jewel was just… okay. I can’t really say anything was terrible, except for maybe the Fatal Five Way match for the RAW Women’s Championship. I do like we had a title change this time, making Crown Jewel feel more like a real pay-per-view rather than just a glorified house show. Still, I can’t really give a strong recommendation on any of the matches as none of them are really a must watch. At least it wasn’t terrible.

Byee!

What did you think of this year’s WWE Crown Jewel? Let me know in the comments section below!

Leave a comment