Hiya!

I just watched the Barbie movie and I was prepping to write up a review for it. However, in the process of doing research, I did get sidetracked a little bit as I climbed down a rabbit hole involving Barbie variants which Mattel inexplicably released.

While I was watching it, I couldn’t believe some of the dolls Mattel thought would be a good idea and I honestly thought they were fake. Well, it turns out all of the dolls mentioned, such as Pregnant Midge, Growing Up Skipper and the double entrendre named Sugar Daddy Ken, are all real! So much so that Mattel sent an email to Greta Gerwig, the writer and director of Barbie, asking if she really needed to remind fans about these abominations.

It turns out there are more that the ones shown in the movie. I will admit they aren’t as overtly strange like Video Girl Barbie, but they are strange nonetheless. So let’s go dive into the other weird Barbie variants Mattel released because… they were good ideas?

#1 Barbie for The Birds

I can get behind Mattel making Barbie dolls to tie into movies as long as they make sense. A Barbie made up to look like Audrey Hepburn from Roman Holiday? Classy! Barbie as Batgirl? Empowering! Barbie as Scully from the X-Files? Smart! Belle from Twilight? Guilty pleasure! Melanie Daniels from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds? Of course every little girl would want… who is that again?

Why would any little girl want a Barbie based from The Birds, one of Alfred Hitchcock’s prolific horror films? Are there any little girls today who are into classic horror movies and have seen The Birds? To be fair, The Birds Barbie was part of their Pop Culture series celebrating iconic female from movies and television shows. I’m guessing this was more for collectors rather than little girls. Even so, I’ve seen The Birds and I never thought to myself that I would love to get a doll based on the girl who was nearly pecked to death several times throughout the film.

#2 Cool Shavin’ Ken

Although they do make fun of him in the movie, Ken is actually a big part of the Barbie toyline. He might not have the impressive number of variants Barbie has gotten but that hasn’t stopped Mattel from trying out different ways to make Ken more relevant by giving the male doll some gimmicks. Enter Cool Shavin’ Ken because it’s every little girl’s dream to shave their man’s stubble… wait.

While not as problematic when compared to a lot of the other Barbie and Ken variants out there, Cool Shavin’ Ken still feels like a whacked out idea. Basically, the “hair” on Ken’s face would grow overnight and could be “shaved off” by applying warm water and wiping it off. Seems like a fun idea but it’s not. Imagine wanting a clean shaven Ken doll to play with but you would have to dab his face with water before you get that! Why not just get a regular Ken doll then? At least they didn’t apply this technology to Barbie’s spots where she would need to shave to be aesthetically pleasing.

#3 Hello Barbie

If you watched the Barbie movie, you must’ve seen the discontinued Video Girl Barbie. It was essentially a Barbie doll with a video camera mounted on the body and she had a video screen at the back. In the movie, they said it was discontinued because little girls didn’t want a doll with a screen on the back. Well, that’s not the entire story as it left out the part where hackers could hack into the camera and peer into little girls’ rooms through Video Girl Barbie! So, that’s creepy. So, does it mean that Hello Barbie, a doll which records your little girl’s conversations just half as creepy?

The concept of Hello Barbie is quite cool, if you ask me. Having a Barbie doll that can respond to you sounds really awesome if you’re a little girl. As a parent, however, that seems like a nightmare as the doll hooks up via WiFi, making it possible for anyone who connects to the network to listen in on your little girl! Not only that, your little girl’s conversations are uploaded to a cloud server. This was to ensure Barbie would give the correct response but it does come off as unnerving how whatever your little girl is saying to her Barbie can be heard by some random person you don’t know.

#4 Lounge Kitties Barbie

Barbie has had a lot of jobs over the years. She’s been a doctor, a scientist, a computer engineer (which was kind of problematic for Mattel as she was made to look incompetent in the included comic book) and so much more. What does she do on her rest days? Well, she lounges by the beach to get her tan on as seen in SPF Barbie, play a myriad of instruments as seen as in the You Can Be Anything Rockstar Barbie and go to furry conventions as shown in the Lounge Kittens Barbie line.

Yes, you read that right. Barbie is a furry because she likes to dress up like a cat.

Now, I have no issues with furries and Barbie can dress up any way she likes. She can do whatever she wants in her spare time. However, this does come out of left field, don’t you think? Once again, I don’t think the Lounge Kitties line was meant for little girls as they do command a high price point. However, at the same time, I gotta ask what collector was asking for Barbie to wear a skin tight cat suit? On the other hand, don’t answer that question. I don’t want to know.

#5 Pop Icon Barbie

If I ask you to picture what a doll looks like in your head, you’ll probably conjure up Barbie. Mattel’s doll is simply that iconic and has become synonymous with dolls already. So, yeah, I have no problem with saying Barbie is a pop icon. What I do have a problem with is why does the Pop Icon Barbie have Barbie’s face blazon on her voluminous frilly skirt? Not only that, she also had to make sure you knew who she was, which is why her name is printed on there in big bold letters!

Is it just me or is putting your face on your skirt uber vain? We know you’re a superstar and known the world over! You don’t have to try so hard to advertise anymore, Barbie! The weird thing is I saw this on the toy aisle when it was released and, even then, I thought this was gauche!

BONUS: Totally Stylin’ Tattoos Barbie

I personally wish I had a tattoo. The problem is two-fold, though. One, I don’t know what to get and I’m afraid I’ll regret the design I got a couple of years down the line. Two, I’m too much of a coward and I might pass out from the pain. Good on Barbie for having the courage to get, not one, but as many as she wants!

Once again, I have no problem with Barbie opting to get inked up. However, I do understand how parents might be upset of a toy implanting the idea into their child’s brain to get a tattoo. Then again, it’s a temporary tattoo! The kid knows it’s going to wash off! What’s the hassle?

Byee!

What other weird Barbies have you seen? Let me know in the comments section below!