I’ll Review Anything: Dead or Alive Xtreme 3

Hiya!

I love going to the beach. It’s definitely one of my pleasures in life. I love running in the surf, feeling the sea breeze caress my skin and basking in the hot, tropical sun… after dousing myself in a gallon and a half of sunscreen. While I love going to the beach, I sadly can’t stay out for long since I’m so pale I have the tendency to burn! I can never get a tan because my skin roasts like a pig on hot coals. But there appears to be a game that was just released where I can go to the beach in the safety of my airconditioned room. That game is Dead or Alive Xtreme 3.

Now, I was actually hesitant to get the game because of all the controversy surrounding it. Koei Tecmo reportedly are refusing to release the game in the United States and Europe for fear that the so-called “social justice warriors” or SJW community would immediately put the company in their crosshairs for releasing such a sexist game. Well, that was enough for me to pique my curiosity. Now I just had to get it and play it for myself. Thanks for the inadvertent buzz, SJW people!

But I’m still coming into the game with trepidation. I have never really played any Dead or Alive Xtreme game; I’m only familiar with the (rather excellent) fighting game it spun out from. But, still, looking at the trailer, it does look rather… sexy and suggestive, I guess. I mean, the official trailers do seem to focus a lot on the breasts and the butts of the girls in their revealing swimsuits rather than the actual gameplay, after all!

Anyway, Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 is a pretty straightforward game. You pick one of the nine girls from the Dead or Alive roster and you get to spend a 14 day vacation on the tropical resort known as Zack Island. During your stay, you get to do a lot of vacation resort related stuff like beach volleyball, pool hopping on floating cushions, tug of wars against other girls and more!

You also get a series of missions that will pop up. By accomplishing missions, you raise your selected girl’s Satisfaction meter, which does affect the “ending” you see at the end of the 14 day vacation. But completing these missions also does something else. It levels up your Owner Mode as well as earn money for the Owner. This is important because the Owner has a specific shop that the girls can’t access, the Owner Shop. And, in order to unlock more stuff in the Owner Shop, you need to level up! I hear there are several tickets for the Strip Tease. I haven’t managed to get to them yet… but there are YouTube clips out there showing them. So, I guess this is where all the raunchy stuff happens! So, let’s go take a look at a YouTube clip of one of the strip teases!

Okay, the outfit may be outrageous and the dance was pretty slutty and rather creepy… but that wasn’t much of a strip tease. It was definitely more “tease” than strip since she didn’t take anything off! Oh, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing digital boobage or anything like that, but I was actually expecting digital boobage! I mean, Grand Theft Auto V were unabashedly unashamed to show virtual breasts uncovered! I have no illusions that the SJW community would be in a riot over this. I’m just saying I’ve seen much worse.

And that “strip tease” is probably the worst (best?) titillating thing in the game. Everything else is rather tame. You can try peeping at the girls as they change into a new swimsuit but you never really get to see anything no matter when you open your eyes. There are swimsuit malfunctions but they never… malfunction enough to reveal a bare breast. You can see a girl’s tanlines but that’s actually more impressive since the game takes that into account! There are some really ridiculously revealing swimsuits like the one in the video above but most of them are rather tame and, actually, I wouldn’t mind getting some of them in real life!

This outfit is so cute! I want one!

This outfit is so cute! I want one!

However, even though Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 is a really sexy game, I don’t think it would really matter and would’ve become a trilogy if the actual gameplay sucked, no matter how many virtual boobs were bouncing around in the game. Most of them are pretty functional but nothing special. The pool hopping is fun but sometimes the button presses can be rather sensitive, causing you to either jump too lightly or too strong. The rock climbing is okay but it’s your basic QTE game and get boring very quickly. The Beach Flag race is a simple button mashing game. There are some strategy involved in the Butt Battle and the Tug-of-War segments but they do end incredibly quickly.

The best game is definitely volleyball. There’s a lot of timing involved when you serve, spike and block the ball. While it is the best event of Dead or Alive Xtreme 3, it’s also very repetitive as well. There’s very little strategy as all you’re going to be doing is setting up for a spike because that’s the only way you’ll score. Once you get used the the timing, volleyball also becomes really easy… and boring.

Receive. Set. Spike. Repeat. Receive. Set. Spike. Repeat.

Receive. Set. Spike. Repeat. Receive. Set. Spike. Repeat.

It’s very easy to win at all the minigames, which is why your chosen girl will be rolling in dough almost immediately. Getting money in Owner Mode is much more difficult. The easiest way is to complete missions as mentioned earlier. You can also go to the Casino to gamble and earn cash that way. It can be difficult since you can also lose it! The Casino games are okay for the most part. Poker is probably the best way to win more money since it’s the least luck based game. It’s definitely less risky than playing Blackjack and Roulette. Oh, God, how I hate roulette! It’s addicting and yet almost impossible to really win this way. But the thought of watching your humble stack of chips turn into a mountain is oh so enticing!

Since you’ll be in the Casino fairly often to try to win more money in Owner Mode, it’s incredibly disappointing at its overall presentation. You don’t really get to walk around the Casino and watch the girls sit across you on the Poker table or see them cheering as the Roulette ball falls on a number they’ve chosen. No, all you see are bubbles with their faces and that’s it! I think it would’ve been much better if you saw them in fancy evening wear, going from table to table, or something like that! But the Casino is just a bunch of menus. Yawn inducing menus.

In fact, the entire game is just a bunch of menus! You need to go to a new location in Zack Island? Select it in the menu. Need to browse through the swimsuit store? Scroll through the menu. Need to give that Annmitsu to Kokoro to complete a mission? Menu! It’s incredibly disappointing because all these menus are really lame. I think the older games just used menus as well but, you would think that they would upgrade their system by now! It all feels incredibly lazy.

Menus take the fun out of shopping

Menus take the fun out of shopping

And I think that’s the biggest problem with Dead or Alive Xtreme 3. It never tries to be an excellent game. It’s definitely a competent game and what’s in it is good. But it doesn’t strive to be great. The girls and the swimsuits look pretty but the overall presentation is just boring. All the games are fun but there isn’t much depth in any of them. It just feels… average. It’s fun in short bursts and I could probably complete one 14 day vacation cycle and stop. I never get the feeling of, “Okay, maybe let me play one more day” or “I’ll quit once I get enough money to purchase that one swimsuit I’ve been dying to get.” I think the SJW should get mad at the boring presentation of Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 rather than the overall cheesecake images of the game.

Dead or Alive Xtreme is a good game in short bursts. It’s probably a game I’ll probably go take a trip to Zack Island if I’m looking to just relax for a while. Oddly enough, Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 sets you up to go on a vacation and that’s how I’m going to treat it: a vacation from the more intense games so I can recharge before going to the daily grind again.

What do you think of Dead or Alive Xtreme 3? Let me know in the comments section below!

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