Episode 60: Ranking the Divas of Total Divas


Last week, I talked about some of the conveniences of video games I would want to have in real life. I also mentioned that I like some of the cast members of Total Divas. I even did a review of the show yesterday (Quick review: Meh)! Still, I know I’ll continue to watch it not only because I’m entranced by wrestling, but because there are some Divas I actually like.

Now, I’m going to rank the cast members of Total Divas starting from my least favorite (AKA the one I hate the most) to one I like the most. Here we go!

8) Ariane/Cameron

Rating: Total Disgust

Oh God. How I hate Ariane! I already hated her as a wrestler since she only managed to get on the main roster because she was a dancer, sorry “Funkadactyl,” escorting Brodus Clay to the ring. Nope, it turns out she gave me more reasons to hate her by showing what she really is like on Total Divas.

Bye, bye. Now leave already!

Bye, bye. Now leave already!

She’s a social climber, only concerned with being popular. She’s also hot-tempered, yelling and throwing her drink at another car who was driving slow. I also feel sorry for her boyfriend, Vinnie, who is blindly loyal to her but she takes advantage of his kind-heartedness at every turn.

Honestly, I would like Total Divas a whole lot more if Ariane would say her catchphrase “Girl, bye!” (ugh, what a bitch) and just leave the show.

7) Nikki Bella

Rating: All boobs and no brains

Between the two Bella Twins, I definitely hate Nikki Bella more. In the ring, I don’t have too much of a problem with her. She seems to be a competent wrestler and I’m guessing she does enjoy the work. But it’s her personality out of the ring that rubs me the wrong way.

Oh, THAT'S why you sound dumb all the time!

Oh, THAT’S why you sound dumb all the time!

Nikki is, sorry to say this, the dumber and more superficial of the Bella Twins. She talks in this grating valley girl accent and acts dumb as a brick. She comes of as a spoiled little girl and, personally, I think she owes most of her success in the WWE because of her relationship with her man, John Cena.

As much as I would want to get rid of Nikki, I guess she’s a package deal with her more level-headed sister, Brie. And I don’t think John Cena would like it too much if she left. So there’s no way the WWE would even think of letting her go.

6) Jojo

Rating: Wait, she was on the show?

I have really nothing against JoJo, who appeared in the first season of Total Divas. So, why is she so low on the list? Well, because I didn’t really see much of her during her run on the show! She came off as a lackey to Eva Marie. I’m sorry for the term “lackey” but she was always seen beside Eva Marie and, after the two had a spat, I never really saw that much of JoJo anymore.

Oh, sweet JoJo, I hardly knew 'ya!

Oh, sweet JoJo, I hardly knew ‘ya!

I hope she actually becomes a good wrestler, seeing that she’s extremely young and seems to be extremely athletic. But, honestly, I’m having trouble thinking of what I can write about her! So I’ll just end it here and move on to the next Diva.

5) Natalya

Rating: Lovable loser… but still a loser

Natalya is a bit of an odd duck, isn’t she? During the first season of Total Divas, she came off as the hard working stiff that the company she works for takes for granted. Then, slowly but surely, she changed. She gradually morphed into a sad sack character with unfortunate luck.

Eek! Don't hit me!

Eek! Don’t hit me!

She’s definitely the best wrestler among all of the regulars but she has the most, how do I say this, eclectic tastes in show. She prides herself as a good painter… but she really isn’t that good at it. She didn’t know what “doggie style” was (which says more about her husband, TJ/Tyson Kidd, than her actually). And she has a very, um, interesting relationship with her cats… seems like we have a budding “cat lady” in the works!

I can’t say I don’t really like Nattie… but I definitely wouldn’t be her friend in real life. We’re just too different and we probably wouldn’t have that much to say to each other.

4) Summer Rae

Rating: Flawed floozy

Much like Nattie, I don’t think I’d be friends with Summer Rae. She’s conniving and she definitely needs to think before she speaks. However, I find her very entertaining and someone I like watching on Total Divas. You don’t have to like the person to be entertained by them and Summer Rae definitely fits the bill.

And she can do splits.

And she can do splits.

Even with all of her flaws, I can sort of understand where Summer is coming from. She’s very career minded and seems to be very serious about her career. So she’s very passionate about it and definitely tries to be notices. Unfortunately, she usually comes off too strong and, as she said herself, she’s not afraid to step on anyone’s toes.

If she would just tone it down, I think I would’ve placed her higher on this list.

3) Trinity/Naomi

Rating: Somebody call my momma!

The better of the Funkadactyls, Trinity/Naomi is the person in the show that I would have to consider to be a role model. She’s very serious with her work. She has a good sense of humor and a great personality. She manages to keep a level head for the most part and she manages to keep a healthy work-life balance. Honestly, she seems to be the modern woman!

Also, her relationship with Jon Uso (one half of the Usos) feels just… right. It’s organic and their personalities suit each other well. They may get into arguments because of misunderstanding but they do work it out in the end… and it doesn’t look the least bit scripted!

Trinity trying out her new finisher on Jon.

Trinity trying out her new finisher on Jon.

Too bad she still makes such petty mistakes like getting a birth control implant without telling her husband. If she were more honest, I would actually put her in the number 2 slot. But as things are the way they are, second place goes to…

2) Brie Bella

Rating: The hippie sister I always wanted

When I started writhing this, I didn’t expect to find Brie Bella here! But, like Trinity is to Arianne, Brie’s personality is more down to earth than her annoying, dumb sister. I think this is in no small part to Daniel Bryan’s influence in her life. I mean, she genuinely acts very sisterly to all of the Divas as well as trying to be the peacemaker (for the most part).

Should I call her Brie Danielson instead?

Should I call her Brie Danielson instead?

I guess I sort of see her as the big sister I never had. When I first saw her, I didn’t really care for her and way annoyed with every minute they had her on screen. She did grow on me and I saw her better points later on… I guess this is like having a sister, too. First, you hate her. But as you get older, you start to really bond with her.

1) Eva Marie

Rating: My girl crush!

Every girl has one girl crush. You know, the girl you see from afar that you just adore and admire. It may be because of her fashion sense or her personality or another factor. My girl crush just so happens to be Eva Marie. It’s one of those things that I can’t really explain. She just has this quality that I’m really attracted to.

Red is my favorite color, after all.

Red is my favorite color, after all.

She’s also a flawed individual but has very realistic problems. She loves her boyfriend but her parents don’t accept him. She’s an outsider to a job that don’t really welcome newcomers. She can be a little full of herself but not to a point that she becomes irritating. She’s, well, the most human person in Total Divas! I guess that’s why she’s my fave on the show.

Now, if only she becomes a better wrestler…

Anyway, that’s my list of my favorite Total Divas’ cast members. I haven’t included Rosa Mendes since she’s still due to appear during Season 3. Still, they’re all very hot and some of them may do a great job representing the company while others do not. Do you know who don’t represent their product very well?

E3 booth babes. I’ll explain more about it next week!


What’s your take on the cast of Total Divas? Who’s your favorite person on the show? Whoever it may be, please post it in the comments section below!

One thought on “Episode 60: Ranking the Divas of Total Divas

  1. Pingback: Episode 102: Re-ranking The Total Divas | 3rd World Geeks

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