I’ll Review Anything: Project Pie’s Build-Your-Own Pizza

Remember that scene in Inside Out, where Riley just moves to San Francisco and tries one of the pizza places in the city? Unfortunately, the pizza is topped with broccoli, one of the foods Riley is disgusted with!

It was a pretty funny scene since, well, what kind of freak would want to put broccoli on their pizza? Well, this week, I try to outdo that pizza place in Inside Out and attempt to make the most obnoxious pizza ever. Where? At Project Pie with their Build-Your-Own Pizza experience!

Project Pie has been in the Philippines for quite a while now, priding themselves with serving “artisan” pizzas. For me, that translates to them making hipster pizzas. The kind of pizzas that the “new age” thinkers would want to get. Heck, I bet they think putting broccoli on a pizza is the most brilliant thing ever! Anyway, they did just open a branch in SM Megamall. It stands where Mexicali used to be.

I will miss Mexicali, though.

I will miss Mexicali, though.

I decided to try out their Build-Your-Own pizza experience since, hey, if they pride themselves with providing “artisan” pizza, I wanted to put that to the test. I wasn’t just going to put broccoli on my very own Build-Your-Own pizza; I was going to create the most obnoxious and pretentious pizza possible with the ingredients they had on hand!

With that in mind, I went to work. I was given the choice of red sauce and olive oil. So, I just went with olive oil. Next, I was given my choice of cheeses. I opted for ricotta, feta and gorgonzola. Next, I went to the “meat” section, where I selected the most hipster things available. Those would be prosciutto, canadian bacon and, of course, anchovies! No one ever elects to put anchovies on their pizza here in the Philippines!

As much as I wanted to put pepperoni, that would've been too mainstream!

As much as I wanted to put pepperoni, that would’ve been too mainstream!

But the “best” part of making the most hipster pizza ever would be the vegetable selection! This is where I really went crazy! Not only did I decide to put broccoli on my pizza like in Inside Out, I added the most “far out” toppings available: roasted corn kernels and artichokes! Oh, and some fresh mushrooms and a little cilantro because… why not? I actually got a quick glimpse of the guy assembling my pizza and I think I saw him grimace a bit with my choice of toppings.

Anyway, after five to ten minutes of waiting, I got my order, fresh and out of the oven. But, since this pizza was “special,” I just had to name it. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you…

The Perfectly Pretentious and Pompous Pizza Pie! Or the Penta-P for short (patent pending)! I just had to give it a hipster name as well.



Okay, I have to admit, despite have the weirdest ingredients ever assembled on a pizza, the Penta-P looks pretty darned good! I was half expecting it to look like some sort of disaster on a flat edible disk but, hey, it actually looked appetizing! Oh, it exuded a funky odor due to the anchovies and possibly the gorgonzola but it still looked good. But smells and looks don’t matter too much to me when it comes to food! It’s how it tastes that matters!

Before I go into how the Penta-P actually tasted, I have to comment on the crust itself. I was actually concerned about how the crust was going to turn out because it wasn’t hand-tossed or rolled out. It was pressed and molded in a machine right in front of me. Yes, it was a testament to its freshness but I was still concerned with its texture. It was really, really good! It had a really good crunch to it, which is what a thin-crust pizza is supposed to have. It wasn’t soggy in the least.

Okay, now to how my creation tasted. Honestly, it wasn’t half bad! The Penta-P is still pretty palatable and, even with all of the weird ingredients thrown in, the only real problem I had with it was the saltiness. I thought it was the anchovies that were making it incredibly salty but it wasn’t; it was actually the gorgonzola!

Here is the greatest and most pretentious pizza ever!

Gorgonzola loses its “blue” after it’s baked, I guess.

In all honesty, that was my only problem with the Penta-P.  I actually like the flavor of the anchovies but the gorgonzola? Yuck! If I were going to revise this “recipe,” I’ll probably keep everything but leave out the gorgonzola. It’s strange but, even with this melange of unorthodox ingredients, I actually liked it.

Besides, it would be unfair for me to give Project Pie a negative rating for a bad pizza because, well, it was a bad pizza that I designed! I can’t really give them a negative rating for the service I got since ordering was prompt for the most part. The only hiccup was with the couple in front of me who were just incredibly indecisive on what to put on their pie! At one point, they actually went back to the meat section while choosing what vegetables they wanted! But I can’t fault the staff at Project Pie for these idiots’ indecisiveness.

Overall, I actually had a good time creating my Penta-P. I’ll probably go back and try to make a few adjustments to it and maybe add a few “normal” ingredients this time so I can really call it my own. Of course, that would mean the Penta-P wouldn’t be the most hipster pizza anymore… so I guess I’ll have to formulate a totally new pie when I do go back!

Have you tried eating at Project Pie? Did you give your creation a name? Let me know what it was in the comments section below!

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