Episode 427: Ranking the Romance Options for FemShep

Hiya!

I’m almost done with all 3 games of the Mass Effect: Legendary Edition. I’m already done with the first and second games and I’m now on Mass Effect 3. I will say I’ve been having a blast reliving a lot of the moments of the times my brother was playing it and I would backseat game throughout the entire thing. Now that I’m playing them myself, I do have a newfound appreciation for how good the Mass Effect trilogy is and why they are landmark titles.

What hasn’t changed all that much, however, are my thoughts on the romance options of the games, specifically for the female Shepard, or FemShep for short. I think FemShep got the short end of the stick when it comes to the romance options. I’m not talking about the simple flings like she can have with Samara or Kelly Chambers. I’m talking about the full-fledged romantic paramours you can pick throughout the entire trilogy. So, without further ado, let’s got rank the romancable options for FemShep throughout the Mass Effect series.

#5 Thane Krios

You know what? For the longest time, I didn’t even think Thane Krios was a romancable option. That’s how much I didn’t think of the drell assassin as a possibility!

Okay, right off the bat, the thought of romancing some weird amphibian humanoid automatically disregarded Thane as a romantic partner. I guess there’s a certain appeal/fetish to loving a fish man as seen in The Shape of Water but that’s just not for me. Just thinking about something slimy rubbing on me gives me the heebie jeebies!

However, the real clincher as to why it never crossed my mind to romance Thane is his weird instant memory recall. The flashbacks he has where he remembers, in great detail, and spouts off the information like some kind of hypnotized drone creeps me the heck out! Oh, and let’s not forget he’s terminally ill, making it so a long relationship is clearly out of the question. Why start a romance you know that’s doomed to go the distance in a video game?

#4 Jacob Taylor

Sorry for the Jacob Taylor fans out there but I never saw him as a romantic interest. In all honesty, there’s nothing really wrong with Jacob Taylor. He’s a good soldier and very loyal to FemShep’s cause. He’s also more the pragmatic when compared to the other main Cerberus operative, Miranda Lawson, when it comes to doing what’s right. Unfortunately, this also leaves him to be very bland, in my opinion. He doesn’t really have much of a personality than being the straight shooter and, without any particular edge, Jacob comes off as a lame duck in the romancable side of things.

There’s also the matter of physical appearances. The mere fact Jacob bears a striking resemblance to Kayne West instantly gives him some negative points in my book. While it isn’t as pronounced as it was in the original Mass Effect 2, there are still certain things that give him the vibe of the popular rapper. Oh, and I just don’t like Kanye West so there’s that.

#3 Kaidan Alenko

Well, I never let him survive Virmire so it may not seem particularly fair I put Kaidan down so low on this list. He still beat Jacob Taylor, though. So there’s that.

Physically speaking, I do like Kaidan Alenko’s look. He’s not exactly Nathan Drake from Uncharted or even a Cullen Rutherford from Dragon Age: Inquisition but he still looks pretty darn good. Well, he could really work on his hair but, otherwise, he does look appealing.

What does keep him low on this list is mostly his personality, at least the one he has in Mass Effect 1. I just found Kaiden Alenko to be a little too emo for my own liking. I kind of get he’s supposed to be damaged goods, thanks to all the pain he has to experience through his old L2 biotic implants. His upbringing of having to grow up in a strict school where he had to learn how to control his biotic powers is supposed to up the tragedy in his already tragic childhood. There’s just too much baggage and, while those heavy suitcases shouldn’t really affect him as a romantic interest, it’s just too much of a bummer for me to get over.

#2 Garrus Vakarian

Probably my favorite squad member in all of the Mass Effect games, there’s a lot to love about Garrus Vakarian. He’s a turian with a strong moral code but is sometimes willing to do bad things to get a good result. He’s also one of a few characters you can have in your squad for all three games. Garrus is also a pretty funny character. He knows when to be snarky and his delivery is always on point. Also, his romance path is generally the most realistic. Both her and FemShep start out as war buddies but it blossoms throughout the games. Also, he has the most fun romance scenes. The dance he has with FemShep is definitely worth the trouble of getting this turian in your pants!

However, Garrus’ romantic path does lead to one big problem for me: you can’t romance him in Mass Effect 1. For one thing, I’m a very loyal person so, when I lock in a love interest, even in a video game, I plan to stick through it as much as possible. The second problem this causes is, because I couldn’t romance Garrus early on, I only really thought of him as a best friend and more of an equal on the battlefield. It’s not really a relationship I could wholeheartedly try to bloom into romance because I was having too much fun with Garrus as a best friend! I get why a lot of fans do pick Garrus as a romantic option and I’ll probably be one of them when I replay the entire series. For now, however, Garrus Vakarian will always be my best bud.

#1 Liara T’soni

I’m sorry for picking the most obvious option but there’s just something about Liara T’soni that makes her fit as the best romantic option throughout the Mass Effect series. Being very young for an asari, she’s very curious about life and can get lost in her own thoughts. She’s definitely very sympathetic towards the plight of others, showing a very caring side as well. Liara is also rather naive at times, which does add to her overall cuteness.

However, the thing that ultimately decide why I pick Liara T’soni as the best romance option in Mass Effect: Legendary Edition is because you can romance her in pretty much all the games. You can start the romance in Mass Effect 1. While she doesn’t join FemShep in Mass Effect 2, the entire Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC, which is included in Legendary Edition, gives you a very concrete option to continue the relationship, albeit in a very abbreviated fashion. Mass Effect 3 is pretty much the culmination of the relationship, if you manage to stay loyal to her. As I mentioned, I’m a big proponent of staying loyal to your romance option, so, since Liara T’Soni is the only one you can actually stay loyal with throughout the trilogy, was there any doubt she would make it to the top of the list?

BONUS: Jack

I’m honestly surprised Jack wasn’t a romantic option for both male Shepard and FemShep. Jack seems like she would fit in with both! Unfortunately, she can only be romanced by the male Shepard but one could wish, right?

Byee!

Who is the best romantic option for FemShep throughout the Mass Effect games? Let me know in the comments section below!

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