Well, that was unexpected!

When I reviewed The Last Jedi a few days ago, I thought it would be universally liked. It turns out I was wrong, big time. Episode VIII raked in over $100 million on Friday alone and most critics loved it. However, a lot of the dedicated Star Wars fanbase are really critical about the film. So much so that they’re calling it the worst Star Wars film and they’ve lamented on what Disney is doing to Star Wars as a whole. This is certainly the most divisive entry of the film franchise, with some leaving The Last Jedi with a big grin on their face while others looking like they’ve been Force pushed face first into Jar Jar Bink’s buttcrack.

For the fanbase that dislike The Last Jedi, most of their complaints deal with the answers given to some of the questions raised during The Force Awakens. They weren’t satisfied with the revelation of who Rey’s parents are, what is Supreme Leader Snoke’s role in The First Order and what Luke Skywalker will do in the final installment. I can see where they’re coming from but I’m more about the questions The Last Jedi raises. But I’m not concerned about the big plot questions since I know they’ll answer them in Episode IX. Rather, I’d like to focus more on the inconsequential questions Episode VIII raises.

Oh, and SPOILERS ahead!

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1) What do the Jedi caretakers do now?

There was a reason why Luke Skywalker decided to spend his exile in that one secluded island on the planet Ahch-To. That’s because the first Jedi temple was established. While the life there is simple as there aren’t any cantinas like in Episode IV: A New Hope or ’60s styled diners like in Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Luke gets by by living a simple life of spearing gigantic fish and drinking milk from, what I can only guess, giant anteaters. But he doesn’t have to do much of the cleaning around there. That’s because the Jedi Temple is being tended by and has always been cared for by a race of caretakers that live on the island as well.

But I guess they’re out of a job now since Yoda use his Force Ghost powers to set the Jedi Temple ablaze. So, what do they do now? I mean, they’ve been doing this since time immemorial and that was their purpose in life. With the only Jedi Temple in the galaxy ash, will they even have a reason to keep on living? I know it sounds harsh but Yoda and Luke just destroyed the only constant in their life! I guess they can just sit on a bench and feed the porgs all day. Or maybe take care of the little huts that are on the island… speaking of which, what the heck did they do for all that time, anyway? They just cleaned up the place and never bothered to go exploring?

They’ll have their own spinoff adventure, right? Like the Ewok movies? If I know Disney, that’s exactly what they’ll do with the caretakers!

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2) What was going to be Luke’s third lesson to Rey?

One of the best parts of the film, in my opinion anyway, were the scenes that had Luke mentoring Rey in the ways of the Force. Well, maybe not mentoring in the traditional sense as Luke was more sullen by this time after his failure with Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. However, after taking a nostalgic trip in the Millennium Falcon and a chat with R2-D2, Luke has a change of heart and decides to teach Rey three lessons about being a Jedi. The first was a lesson on how the Force is a little more than just levitating rocks and that there is a Light and a Dark Side. The second is a history lesson about how the Jedi have always failed (with Rey juxtaposing the argument that they have to learn from their mistakes). And the third is… wait, what was the third lesson?

We never got to see Luke get to this lesson because Rey left to confront Kylo Ren before he could get to the last lesson. I was curious what it would be but he never did get to teach it and, since Luke gave up the ghost (literally), I guess we’ll never get to see this third and final lesson. Oh, unless he comes back as a Force ghost and does mentor her like Yoda and Obi-Wan kinda did in the prequels.

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3) Did the crooked hacker get away?

The subplot that just didn’t work for me in The Last Jedi has to be the one with Fin and Rose. It was just unspectacular because it’s like Disney decided to take the crew and film Canto Bight, the casino planet, in Atlantic City. Yep, they didn’t even bother to try shooting in Las Vegas! Atlantic City was perfect for a weird and wacky space adventure, right?

Although this side story was boring, it did become integral to the overall plot because Fin and Rose were there to recruit a hacker than could disable the shields on the ship that is able to track the Resistance fleet even in lightspeed. But instead of getting the master codebreaker as directed by Maz Kanata, they instead recruited the sleazy hacker who helped break them out of jail. This turned out to be a bad idea since the hacker immediately turns on Fin and Rose once they got captured. The hacker does get paid for is trouble and is apparently going to be let go by The First Order.

However, we never see him ever again. You never actually see him board a shuttle or leave the ship before Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo performs a kamikaze attack into the very same ship. So, what happened to him? Did he manage to get out safely before everything blew up? Was he caught in the explosion? I know some people may think he’s just getting his comeuppance as he did betrays Fin and Rose for his freedom and get paid. But, honestly, can you blame him? It’s not like he knew what he was signing up for!

Oh, and speaking of tracking a space ship in lightspeed…

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4) How does lightspeed tracking work exactly?

In the beginning of The Last Jedi, The First Order had managed to close in on the Resistance base. The Resistance does manage to evacuate but not before suffering heavy losses, thanks to Poe’s disregard of General Leia’s orders. The Resistance jumps to lightspeed and think that they’ve evaded capture. But it turns out they’re wrong. Apparently, The First Order now has some form of tech that can track a ship anywhere in the galaxy, even through hyperspace. Fin and Rose deduce that they have to board the ship with the tracking ability and disable it before The First Order notices. This will allow the remaining Resistance fleet to jump into hyperspace and actually evade them.

Okay, but how does tracking a ship through hyperspace work exactly?

Look, I’m totally fine with technobabble in a science fiction movie. I can be on board with an all powerful Force that’s an energy field created by all living things and that it surrounds us and penetrates us, yadda, yadda, yadda. I can gloss over these things because they usually try to explain these things in a way that makes some kind of sense. But tracking a ship through hyperspace? Fin and Rose immediately understood how it could be done (even though they thought it was impossible just a few moments before that) and they spouted some gobbledygook about something or other that didn’t make a lick of sense! Sure, they’re smart but I don’t think Poe got any of that!

I can get how The Empire followed the Millennium Falcon back to the Rebel base on Yavin IV because the heroes unwittingly had a tracking beacon on their ship. That made sense. In The Last Jedi, I have no idea how The First Order did it! The only thing I can assume is that they have some kind of intergalactic Waze app and then merged it with something like Tinder and set their profile to look for singles that included rebelling against The First Order as turn-ons!

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5) Why didn’t Vice Admiral Holdo tell the crew of her plan?

One of the major subplots is Poe’s anger of how Vice Admiral Holdo is handling the crisis the Resistance was in. After all, they are being slowly bombarded into oblivion by what could be called an extremely slow car chase in space. When Poe decides to go to the bridge to find out if Holdo has a plan, he just sees that she ordered the transport ships to be fueled. Poe erupts in a fury and yells at Holdo for not having a better plan than just abandoning ship. It turns out that she does have a plan! While it may seem like the Resistance is just abandoning ship, Holdo actually had the transports fueled up so that they can make it to a little known planet called Crait, where the Resistance has a small abandoned base. Her strategy is to lead The First Order to destroy the larger ship while the transports land on Crait and hide until the enemy forces leave.

Poe doesn’t know this plan and, apparently, a good majority of the bridge crew as well! Poe leads a mutiny so that they can wait for Fin and Rose to disable the tracking system on The First Order’s ship. The mutiny almost succeeds but not before Poe blabs about Holdo’s plan to Fin (for the hacker to overhear so he can relay that information to his captors later). This blunder almost leads the evacuation attempt in a disaster until Holdo crashes her ship into Snoke’s ship while going at lightspeed.

All of this could’ve been avoid if Holdo did what any good leader should do and tell everyone under her what her plan was! Heck, if she told Poe that they were headed to an old Resistance base during the mutiny, he would’ve ordered the mutineers to stand down because he even acknowledged it was a good plan. All of that death and heartache could’ve been avoided if Holdo called everyone for a quick pow-wow meeting about her plan. What? Was she too busy dyeing her hair purple to spend 15 minutes to explain what she was doing?

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BONUS: What do porgs taste like?

Well, you know that Chewbacca roasted one while Rey was trying to recruit Luke, right? I really gotta ask Chewie how porgs were like? I’m betting they taste like chicken because I’m assuming everything in every galaxy tastes like chicken.

I guess we’ll find out when Disney partners up with McDonalds and they release a limited run of Porg McNuggets with szechuan sauce, huh?

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Any other inconsequential questions you came up with after watching Star Wars: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi? Let me know what they are in the comments section below!