It’s Valentines Day today. I bet a lot of websites have posted their favorite couples from movies, TV, video games and the like. We’ve all seen those kinds of lists during the previous year’s Valentines Day. So, this year, I decided to do something much more different. Instead of focusing on those fictional characters that managed to find true love, let’s go focus our attention to those fictional characters that manage to find love… over and over again!
So, in the spirit of the day of love, let’s go take a look at the five best lovers, lotharios, seducers and generally all-around totally randy individuals who would do anything to get in the pants of their targets.
1) Prince Charming (from Fables)
Well, he is a prince after all.
Prince Charming from the Fables comic book series has the most impressive record on this list because of the sheer quantity and the incredible quality of the women he’s successfully been able to sleep with. Not only did he manage to marry (and consummate the marriage, of course) Snow White, Briar Rose (from Sleeping Beauty) and Cinderella, he’s also slept with Rose Red (Snow White’s sister) and a myriad of women throughout the years. Oh, that’s not even including the 1,412 women/girls he managed to get into bed when he reached the age of 15. That’s an astonishing record!
Of course, it definitely helps that Prince Charming is immortal, thanks to being one of the most celebrated Fables as he’s appeared in several fairy tales (a Fables immortality is tied to how popular the character is). He apparently changed his ways after the war with the Adversary… but that doesn’t mean he won’t revert back to the skirt chasing stud he was.
2) Glenn Quagmire (from Family Guy)
If there’s one word I can describe Glenn Quagmire from Family Guy, it would be “Giggidy.”
Although he would be considered the scum of the earth if he was a real person, Glenn Quagmire is one of the most endearing characters of Family Guy. Sure, he’s a total perv and a creeper who would have intercourse with anything that has a vagina. But, hey! It’s not his fault he manages to get as much tail as he wants!
And he certainly has spread his seed around the entire world! Honestly, his record with women is incredibly high as it seems like all he has to do is propose to them and they’ll consider it. As such, Quagmire has dozens of illegitimate children all over the town of Quahog and, since he is an airline pilot, all around the world as well.
3) Neil Patrick Harris (from Harold and Kumar)
And you thought he was gay!
I was originally going to put another Neil Patrick Harris character, Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, on this list. Barney should’ve been a shoo-in for this list as he developed various schemes and tricks in order to trick different women to sleep with him and compiled it into a Playbook. However, because of the way the series ended, with Barney Stinson becoming a changed man after his marriage with Robin and the birth of his daughter, that disqualified him from being on this list since he isn’t exactly the rogue he was anymore.
Neil Patrick Harris from the Harold and Kumar series, on the other hand, is much more devious than Barney Stinson ever was. For one, he’s not above paying for sex as he’s visited a whorehouse in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. But probably the most deceitful he’s done is, as shown in the clip above, fake coming out as gay just so he feel up women. Wow, that’s commitment, people!
4) Larry Laffer (from Leisure Suit Larry)
Okay, he’s supposedly a loser. But how many losers can bang so many hot chicks like Larry Laffer?
Larry Laffer of Leisure Suit Larry fame may be a short, middle-aged, balding, fashion sense deficient deviant who’s mind is just concentrated on having sex with as many beautiful women as possible, but, hey! He does manage to get what he wants in the end, by hook or by crook. You just gotta admire Larry’s spunk (that didn’t sound right) as he searched for items on his quest to look for love in several wrong places.
Well, Larry’s definitely found love… sort of. But that hasn’t slowed the leisure suit Casanova one bit as, with each and every entry, he’s managed to get into the pants of a bevy of pixelated princesses. If Larry can do it, there’s hope for the rest of us.
5) You (from every Bioware and Bethesda RPG ever created)
I mean, you’ll just sleep with anyone, won’t you? The gender doesn’t matter if you prefer men or women, you’ll go pursue them just to see what it’ll look like. You apparently don’t care what race they are since you can have sex with light and darked skinned characters, if they’re smooth, hairy, furry or even scaly. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been mutated by radiation fallout and are now ghouls or a former robot, you’re kinky enough to give it a whirl. Heck, it doesn’t matter if they’re the same species as you are! As long as you can get your rocks off, you’re good to go!
Among every one on this list, no one’s a bigger horndog than you. As long as Bioware and Bethesda keep giving you different options with people, aliens and creatures you can spread your seed with, you’ll keep on playing and you’ll keep on restarting your games just to see what it’ll feel like.
You perv, you.
Honorable Mentions: James Bond, Archer and Austin Powers
I just had to include both James Bond and Austin Powers on this list somewhere as they are pretty skilled lovers. However, I couldn’t really separate the two as the first one is the original and the second is the parody.
While both of them are great at seducing women, I had to disqualify them from this list as, unlike the characters that are on here, they do it for the job. Oh, sure it’s a huge perk, sleeping with various lovely ladies, but they usually do it as part of the mission at hand. It could be for getting information or whatever, but they’re doing it for the greater good of the world, not themselves.
Still, the duo definitely deserve special mention for all the tail they’d had. Kudos to you both!
Who else do you think are the great lovers of media? Let me know in the comments section below!