Episode 58: Cooking Eggs the Video Game Way

Hiya!

Last time, I used my section here to complain about the tremendous heatwave the Philippines has been experiencing this summer. I mean, it’s so hot, I’ll bet you can fry an egg on the sidewalk! But, rather than try doing something as ridiculous as that, I decided to cook my eggs in the proper way: in the kitchen!

The only problem is I’ve never really learned how to cook! I can prepare other stuff… like reheated pizza. However, I recently re-watched some video game vids on YouTube where they show how to cook eggs and, since I’ve nothing better to do, I decided to test them out!

I like my eggs sunny-side up as well (I like the yolk a little liquidy so I can dip bread in it) but, whenever I tried to cook them that way, the yolk would usually break open and spill to the side after I put it on the plate. I never really could figure out why. So, the first thing I wanted to try was how Naomi Hunter taught Sunny how to cook sunny-side up eggs in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

While there was no special trick to cooking the eggs per se, Naomi did instruct Sunny to cover the pan. It then all of a sudden clicked! I figured that it’s because the yolk was still too soft and the mere act of getting it out of the pan was breaking the “shell” of the yolk. I guess covering the pan would make the yolk cook faster and also help with firming it up so it’s easier to get out of the pan!

My first time trying out this new process wasn’t a success. I did keep the pan covered for one minute like Naomi said but the yolk still broke because the egg got stuck to the bottom of the pan! Stupid low quality non-stick pan! Well, it wasn’t the fault of the instructions but the pan so I gave it another go. This time, I lightly oiled the bottom of the pan to keep the egg from breaking. And it worked like a charm! I actually got a perfect sunny side up egg!

Wish I took a picture of it but it looked like this. Honest!

Wish I took a picture of it but it looked like this. Honest!

Next up, I always wondered how to make really great creamy scrambled eggs. The way I was taught was you first put the eggs in a bowl, beat them for a bit and then fry it in a heated pan with a lot of butter. Well, they do come out scrambled but they never came out creamy.

My scrambled eggs would usually come out like a brick. Even if I chop them up, they always feel like a solid mass of egg. It turns out I’ve been doing it all wrong according to Heavy Rain. In the game, Scott Shelby scrambles the eggs in a cold pan. I found it peculiar and counter-intuitive but the girl did say they looked “almost good enough to eat” which is much better than the slop I would make!

I copied the steps to the letter. I got two eggs and cracked them into the pan. I then turned on the fire and stirred it occasionally like in the quick time event… which is pretty much the entire Heavy Rain! Anyway, I’m not sure what went wrong since, not only did the eggs come out like the usual solid blob I would make, a lot of it also stuck to my lousy non-stick pan! I don’t like wasting food and seeing all those bits of eggs stuck to the bottom of the pan made me want to cry.

There are kids starving in Africa! And I'm wasting food to write this article?

There are kids starving in Africa! And I’m wasting food to write this article?

Anyway, I didn’t have the heart (and a working non-stick pan) to try again. So I decided to do the smart thing: go to YouTube! What does Scott Shelby, washed up detective know about cooking eggs anyway! I went to the expert to learn more: Gordon Ramsay! And I learned that you have to scramble the eggs just as you put it on the heat. You also have to keep stirring but remove it from the heat once in a while. I don’t understand the science behind it… but he is the chef!

I did leave out the creme fres out (since I have no idea what creme fres is!) as well as the chives (I’m not a classy girl… wait) but I went through the entire ordeal. I still left a colossal mess in the bottom of the pan but the eggs came out perfectly! I guess I’m going to be cooking scrambled eggs with this process. So you can suck it, Scott Shelby!

Well, I don’t think video games characters have to worry about cooking anyway. In fact, most of the time, they don’t even need to eat! Come to think of it, there are a lot of conveniences video game characters have that I wish we had in real life. And I’ll talk more about that next time!

Byee!

Have you tried copying any of the processes shown here? Or do you think you can’t really learn how to cook from video games? Whatever your thoughts, leave them in the comments section below!

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