You probably don’t know this about me but I don’t make a cent out from writing on this blog. This is just a hobby for me. I wish I could make money from this but I’m not ready to monetize this site yet. I learned my lesson from my other blog, My Geek Wisdom, which used to make me some money but, due to Google’s new SEO rules, only makes something like a single cent per day.

Anyway, my real job is kind of weird. I basically interview potential employees for call centers. Yes, if you live in Western territories, I’m usually the ones screening the people you talk to when you need something like tech support or something like that. I generally talk to them in English and try to evaluate if they’re good enough for foreigners to understand. It’s both an easy and a hard job as you do have to decide their employment status based on a conversation that lasts several minutes. However, I mention this because it can be difficult to converse in a different language, especially one that you don’t use everyday.

I mean, look at these five examples of Westerners trying to speak in the Filipino language! If it sounds awkward to you, that goes triple for us Filipino locals! But, as my job does entail evaluating how people speak the language, let me also add a grade based on the clips!

#1 Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend follows Rebecca Bunch (played by Rachel Bloom), the titular character. As a “crazy ex-girlfriend,” Rebecca uproots her entire life in an attempt to reconnect with a former flame who has moved to a different state.

In the episode “My First Thanksgiving with Josh!“, Rebecca manages to finagle an invitation to Josh’s family’s Thanksgiving celebration. As Josh and his parents are Filipino, Rebecca prepares for the dinner by preparing a traditional Filipino dish called dinuguan (which is basically pork blood stew… which I don’t enjoy eating myself) as well as learning a few Filipino phrases.

So, for one, she isn’t really being taught conversational Filipino because Filipinos do not greet each other with “Mabuhay.” That word is a greeting but that’s reserved for a more, shall we say, boisterous greeting because it essentially means “live long”. Also, the sentence “Natutuwa ako makilala kayo” does mean “I’m happy to meet you all” but this really isn’t used in typical conversation because, well, we don’t really say that. In fact, most Filipinos today will say, get this, “Nice to meet you.” Some will say the correct phrase is “Ikinagagalak kong makilala ka” but that’s so old-fashioned now. “Nice to meet you” works just fine.

Still, I can’t really blame Rebecca for using these phrases as this is what is being taught her. What I can focus on is her accent and she’s really concentrating on saying the words in her perky tone. But that does come off as foreigner trying to speak Filipino. Still, it’s understandable.

Rating: 5 out of 10

#2 Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)

King of the Hill follows Hank Hill, his family and his friends as he tries to wrap his head around how the world around him is changing. As a hard-working blue-collar working selling propane and propane accessories, Hank would honestly like to be left alone but, one way or another, his family and/or friends will drag him into a life situation where he might just learn something.

In the episode “Night and Deity,” the neighborhood is under assault by a bevy of pigeons. Hank’s neighbor and friend, Dale Gribble (voiced by Johnny Hardwick) suggests they call an exterminator. To which, they go to a shady location to talk to someone who should be able to help them. Dale then has to use some kind of phrase and show his skill to prove he’s worthy of the exterminator’s help.

Now, here’s the thing: I’m not really sure what Dale said because, one, his Midwestern accent is pretty thick. Two, one of the words doesn’t sound like Filipino! He says, from what I can tell “ako mangayanggang kalapatid diyos.” Now, the “mangayanggang” is not a word I’m familiar with… and it appear the Internet isn’t either! If we remove that word, Dale is essentially saying something like “I am the pigeon lord” or something to that effect. Then again, the person Dale talks to speaks in broken Filipino as, much like with Dale’s phrasing, is missing all the conjunctions. Still, I am just looking at Dale’s phrasing and, well, it’s terrible.

Rating: 2 out of 10

#3 Lucy Chen (The Rookie)

The Rookie is a show that, well, has a pretty deceiving name by now. The original premise revolves around the character John Nolan (played by Nathan Fillion) who decides to train to be a policeman… despite being in his forties, making him the oldest rookie police trainee on the force. After seven seasons, he’s obviously not a rookie anymore and has transferred into being a training officer.

In the episode “Revelations,” Officer Lucy Chen (played by Melissa O’Neil) has to go undercover as a drug cook. As part of her test to prove she knows her stuff, the gangsters bring her in the car and check on her knowledge of the formula of the drug she’s supposed to be selling. The gangsters’ leader, who is Filipino, tells his men to shoot her in the head if she makes a mistake. But it turns out Lucy understands Filipino and replies by giving the formula in his native language while asking him not to shoot her.

Lucy says “Magiiwan ako ng sodium metabisulfate dahil isa itong trace byproduct. Kaya pasasalamatan kita sa hindi mo po pagbaril sa akin diyan.” You may have noticed there are quite a few English words in that sentence because, well, for one, there’s no translation for “sodium metabisulfate”, at least in conversational Filipino. While you can translate “trace byproduct”, it would be really weird as, once again, it wouldn’t be conversational Filipino. The intonation does come off as off as she’s lengthening her “e” instead of just letting it drop quickly. However, the grammar is okay as it is understandable.

Rating: 7 out of 10

#4 Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer)

Based very loosely on the Neil Gaiman character who, in turn, is based on the religious figure, the series follows Lucifer Morningstar (played by Tom Ellis) who, after getting tired of taking care of Hell, decides to go to the world of the living and live it up. Lucifer does have the power to get people to tell what their deepest desires are. But, when he is unable to use this ability on a LA detective, Lucifer becomes infatuated with her and decides to help her on her investigations.

In the episode “Our Mojo,” the duo are looking at flower shops as they believe the killer they’re investigating sent flowers to their victim. It turns out the grandmother who runs the shop was the one who made the sale but she only speaks Filipino. Well, it turns out the Lord of the Underworld speaks every language… but that doesn’t mean he’s great at it?

Lucifer says “Nagsasalita ba siya ng Tagalog?” and the grandson says she does. When approaching the grandmother, Lucifer greets her by saying “Kumusta ka, madam?” Now, the translations are accurate and the grammar is correct. It’s just his pronunciation is kinda atrocious. Instead of just “s” when saying the word “nagsasalita,” it comes out as “sh”, making it sound like “nagshashalita“, which makes it sound like Lucifer has a lisp. It’s still understandable but it’s funny. Also, the word “madam” could have been translated to “lola“, which is just the Filipino word for “grandma.”

Side Note before I get to my rating. You may have noticed he used the word “Tagalog” when referring to the Filipino language. That’s both correct and incorrect. Tagalog is more, shall we say, strict in that you have to use translated words. With Filipino, there’s much more freedom in simply transliterating words and giving it a local spin. For example, the English word “driver” would be translated in Tagalog to “tsuper”. However, in Filipino, you can just put in “drayber” and that would be fine. In fact, “tsuper” sounds pretty archaic by today’s standards as most young people would use “drayber” instead.

Anyway…

Rating: 6 out of 10

#5 Marcus White (Superstore)

Superstore follows the adventures and misadventures of the employees working at a big-box store. Most of the employees are, well, not really that bright and, as such, things at that branch tends to get a little silly.

Anyway, the Westerner who is given the task to speak Filipino went to actor Jon Barinholtz, who plays sales associate Marcus White. During the early part of the series, Marcus starts living with Mateo Liwanag‘s Filipino family. And it does appear they do take a shining to him. He stays with the family long enough to actually pick up some Filipino language.

Okay, for the first part of the video, Marcus calls Mateo’s aunt and calls her “Tita Irma”, which is just “aunt” in Filipino. He then asks “Kumusta na po?“, which is essentially “how are you doing?” What’s really nice is he adds the “po” at the end. There’s no real English translation to “po” but it’s used when addressing elders and highly respected people. Tita Irma even starts calling Marcus “anak” which generally means “young relative”, making it sound like they have built a familial attachment. The second part of the clip says “Susmaryosep”, which Marcus does correctly say it is kind of a swear. The root is from Jesus, Mary, Joseph. So, it’s a swear as it’s a “taking the Lord’s name in vain” deal.

The final part of the clip has Mateo screaming, in Filipino, “Tarantado ka talaga!”, which means “You are a real jerk”. Marcus replies “Narinig ko ‘yon, gago!” which is “I heard that, moron!” Mateo then replies “Kapal ng mukha mo! Alam ko ikaw ang kumuha ng gamit ko! Tumigil ka d’yan!” The first part is literally translated to “You’re face is so thick skinned” and just means the person is shameless. The second part is an accusation that Marcus stole his stuff. And the last part is just telling him to stop.

However, we are focusing on Marcus and, honestly, this is really, really good! It’s very conversational. The tone, while not perfect, is close enough. He even gets the contractions right by shortening “iyon” to “‘yon“! The only real nitpick I have is the “Narinig ko ‘yon, gago!” would’ve been better if it was “Naintindihan ko ‘yon, gago!” As mentioned, the original means “I heard that, moron!” But it would’ve been more suitable to use “naintindihan” as that would make it “I understood that, moron!”, signifying that Marcus didn’t just hear it but he understands what Mateo was saying, despite it not being in English. A small nitpick but, otherwise, this was great!

Rating: 9 out of 10

BONUS: Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

For this bonus entry, I’m including Stewie Griffin’s quick clip of speaking Filipino in Family Guy. It’s not part of the official entries as this is a deleted scene. Anyway, in the episode “You May Now Kiss the… Uh… Guy Who Receives“, Brian‘s gay cousin Jasper travels to Quahog to get married to Ricardo as same-sex marriage is legal in the state. During the deleted scene, during the wedding itself, Ricardo asks Stewie (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) and asks the baby what’s happening in Filipino. Stewie then replies back in Filipino… somewhat.

It sounds like Stewie is saying “Hindi mo ba alam? Ikakasal ka sa kanya!” However, he does eat his words, making him say “Hindi mo ba alah? Ikalasal ka sa kanya!” and “ikalasal” is not a Filipino word I’m familiar with. But I understand the mispronunciation as Filipino grammar, which involves adding syllables into the words themselves can turn them into tongue twisters. For example, “kasal” means “marriage.” But making it into a future tense word, you make it “kakasal”. Then you make that into a future perfect tense, that makes it “ikakasal”. Confused yet? So, yeah. It can make things hard to say so I can’t fault Stewie for sort of butchering the pronunciation.

Rating: 7 out of 10

What other shows do you know which had Western actors speaking in a different language? How did they do? Let me know in the comments section below!